


transcendence

by anastasiathegemini



Series: Kyman week 2020 [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: Feelings Realization, Good friend jimmy valmer, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Trapped In A Closet, accidental deep conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25056613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastasiathegemini/pseuds/anastasiathegemini
Summary: “Kyle, you’re a good person, and right now I’m banking on you being a good person and for you not to make fun of me.” Kyle furrowed his brow. What the hell is Cartman about to spring on him?just another take on the classic ‘trapped in the closet’ trope
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Series: Kyman week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811041
Comments: 2
Kudos: 131





	transcendence

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally included Britney Spears in two fics in a row, and now it’s a thing. Britney cameo in all Kyman fics from now on

It was like something right out of a fan fiction that a thirteen year old wrote. Middle school aged writers seem to really love cliches, for some reason. Kyle wished the writer that was writing this scene was a little more creative, because being trapped in a closet with Cartman was fucking lame. Jesus, he really did have too much to drink. 

It’s Clyde's fault, really. Well, not really, but Kyle is going to blame Clyde. He escaped the party downstairs to find a blanket and ended up in Clyde’s linen closet, Cartman followed him (Kyle didn’t ask, but if he did he was sure Cartman would respond with something about making sure he didn’t act out any Jewish evil plans. Kyle didn’t want to hear it, so he didn’t ask) and the door locked behind them. It had only been a few minutes, and they’d already banged on the door and yelled for help that evidently wasn’t coming. Kyle was grateful that he was trapped with Cartman now, and not when they were kids. Teenaged Eric Cartman was significantly more chilled out than child Eric Cartman. At least Kyle had a blanket now. 

“This is so god damn gay! You’re too close, you’re going to get your jew on me!” Cartman shrieked in Kyle’s ear. Kyle just raised an eyebrow. Cartman did look flushed. Maybe he was allergic to Jewish people. 

“Please just shut up, for once in your fucking life,” Kyle groaned. He was grateful the closet was big enough for both he and Cartman to sit on the floor comfortably without touching. Who even has a linen closet like this? It’s like a pantry, where the shelving is along the walls so you can step into it, like a tiny room. Kyle was pulled out of his linen-related thoughts by more whining. 

“Kyle, I’m literally going to starve,”

“You aren’t literally going to starve,” 

“Kyle, I’m metaphorically going to starve,” 

Kyle sighed and rubbed his temple with one hand. Cartman wasn’t freaking out like he thought he would. He figured Cartman would have already tried to murder him, accuse him of three different evil plans that somehow involved them being in the closet together, sweet talk him into letting them out (as if Kyle was holding him hostage), and then try to murder him again. But there was none of that, just a lot of Cartman whining every few minutes. For the first time pretty much ever, Kyle was glad he was a little drunk. 

“Hey Kyle?” Cartman asked in that terrible, syrup-sweet voice he uses when he really wants something. Oh boy. 

“What do you want, Cartman?”

“We should play a game to pass the time.” 

“A game.”

“That’s what I said,” Cartman leaned back against the lowest shelf and looked at Kyle expectantly. Kyle ran through all of his choices in this situation, and chose the least annoying option: giving in. 

“What kind of game?”

Cartman clapped his hands together and smiled weirdly. It took Kyle a moment to realize it wasn’t weird, it was genuine, and that on Cartman’s face was weird. 

“Uh, two truths and a lie?” The look on Cartman’s betrayed that he thought Kyle wouldn’t actually agree to play. 

“Sure. You start.” Kyle said reluctantly. Sometimes when he drinks he’ll talk and talk, and freely give out private information about himself. He didn’t need Cartman to have dirt on him. 

“Okay, uh, my favorite color is purple, I think five seconds of summer is a good band, and i don’t think Bebe is hot because she looks just like my mom when she was in high school and it totally ruined it for me.” Kyle laughed at how fast Cartman rattled off the facts (and one not fact). 

“You think five seconds of summer is a cheap One Direction rip off.” Kyle answered. Cartman seemed genuinely shocked. 

“Seriously? I said that like one time two years ago!”

“Dude, the day their first hit came out you complained about it so much Kenny bashed his head into the table hard enough for his fucking brain matter to get into my sandwich,”

“Oh yeah.” Cartman said simply. Kyle laughed again. Cartman goes on so many rampages and tirades that he’s not surprised that he doesn’t remember them all. 

“Alright, my turn. Um, I have four of the same green hat in case something happens to the one I’m wearing, my favorite song right now is Kids in America by Kim Wilde, and my favorite vegetable is carrots,” 

“Your favorite vegetable is Brussels sprouts,” Cartman didn’t even hesitate with his answer. Kyle was actually kind of impressed. 

“Okay, how would you even know that?” 

“Dude, context clues. You always steal Stan’s at lunch, and they’re your go-to side at restaurants” Cartman said like it was foolish that Kyle thought he wouldn’t know that. Kyle nodded thoughtfully. Cartman answered like he wanted to win. Were they playing to win? 

“Okay, that’s fair. Your turn,” Kyle pulled down more blankets and wrapped them around himself like a cocoon. 

“I think things that are cherry flavored suck ass, my favorite Britney song is Toxic, and my favorite flavor of Monster is the purple one.” Kyle scoffed. Too easy. 

“Dude, you aren’t even trying to make these difficult! Womanizer is your favorite.”

“Okay, how would you even know that?”

“Uh, because you learned the dance and wouldn’t stop doing it everywhere all the time and everyone was scared because you were like, willingly doing exercise?” Kyle reminded him. Cartman threw his head back and laughed. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I forgot that. I still know the dance.” Kyle smiled at the memory. Somewhere in the back of his head he thought that this is the longest he’s talked to Cartman that wasn’t a screaming match. 

“Okay, my turn. Uh, when I was a sophomore I had a crush on Wendy, I like bananas, and I’m a size 11 shoe.” Cartman’s face took on a weird look. 

“You lied twice,” Cartman responded immediately, then looked to the floor like he regretted answering so quickly. Kyle squinted at him. 

“I didn’t, but what do you think I lied about? I thought I made this one easy for you.” Kyle sat up a bit from his blanket nest. Cartman swallowed uncomfortably. 

“You hate bananas. And the Wendy thing isn’t true.” Kyle rolled his eyes. 

“Listen, just because you think she’s a dumb hippie bitch or whatever doesn’t mean the rest of us hate her too.” Kyle went to slouch back down but something about Cartman’s body language had him pinned. He looked...nervous. 

“It’s, uh, not that. You couldn’t have liked her, um, because you’re gay.” 

Kyle’s smile fell off his face. No. How? What? No. Kyle’s mouth fell open and shut again. Cartman just stared. 

“Why....why do you think that?” Kyle asked carefully. Cartman’s mouth did a weird thing, like he didn’t know what to do with it. 

“I, um, notice a lot. Like with the Brussel sprouts. And, uh, I noticed first when Bebe was super into you, you either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and you always notice when people start acting differently, so that meant you didn’t care. And like, what straight guy doesn’t think Bebe’s hot? I mean, other than me. And you. Well, not you, because you’re gay.” Cartman’s sentences were odd and choppy. Kyle sat up and crossed his legs. Time to come clean. 

“I did like Wendy, but Wendy was also kinda how I knew. I liked her a lot, but I wasn’t actually jealous of Stan, and that made me realize I wasn’t really attracted to her, I just liked her a lot as a person. I hadn’t had a crush since like elementary school, and then I thought I had one but I actually didn’t. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, and I, um, told a close male friend of mine that, and we kissed, and I was like ‘oh shit’. So yeah.” Kyle spilled, cursing the little alcohol he had for making him tell secrets. Cartman smirked, but not in his usual Cartman way. 

“And can I ask who this close male friend was?” Kyle rubbed his forehead. He might as well spill all the beans, Cartman was being especially normal and it felt good to talk to someone about it. Not even Stan knew. 

“Jimmy. Don’t laugh, okay?” Kyle said nervously. Cartman let out a chuckle anyways. 

“I swear I’m not laughing at you! I’m just surprised.” Surprisingly enough, Cartman’s smile was genuine, not mocking. 

“Why? Jimmy is a good, honest person who is always ready to help a friend in need. And he’s bisexual so I knew he’d understand.” Cartman nodded thoughtfully at that. 

“Do you think you would have realized without Jimmy’s help?” Cartman asked, his face regaining that odd nervousness from a few minutes ago. Kyle considered it. 

“Yeah, but I think it would have taken me a lot longer. Instead of thinking about it and questioning and like, agonizing over it i just kissed a dude and it answered all the questions I would have had.” Kyle moved to lay back down in his nest but Cartman’s hand shot out and grabbed his bicep. 

“Kyle, you’re a good person, and right now I’m banking on you being a good person and for you not to make fun of me.” Kyle furrowed his brow. What the hell is Cartman about to spring on him? 

“Uh, what the fuck are you talking about?” Kyle spit, far meaner than he intended. Cartman adjusted so he was close enough for his legs to be touching Kyle’s. 

“Be my Jimmy?” Cartman said breathlessly. Kyle’s eyes went wide. 

“You want me to kiss you?” Kyle asked suspiciously. Possibilities shot through Kyle’s head for why Cartman would want that, the most likely being that there were cameras and Cartman was getting blackmail material on Kyle. Wait, but then that would be dirt on Cartman too- 

“Uh, yes. I can’t stop second guessing myself. Help me clear up the confusion.” Kyle just stared, slack-jawed, for just a moment before snapping out of it. 

“You’re such a fucking asshole! I knew I shouldn’t have said anything! How dare you fuck with me like this, you fat piece of-“ Cartman cut off Kyle’s tirade by getting very close to his face. 

“I’m not making fun of you, Kyle. Do you really think I’d kiss you for a bit? For a joke?” Kyle considered this. It made sense, there’s nothing Cartman could possibly gain from kissing him that could be evil. Is he really thinking about doing this? 

“I- okay. Yes. I’ll kiss you. Fine,” Kyle agreed. Cartman leaned impossibly closer and all of Kyle’s brain functions halted. Before now, if someone asked him to imagine himself kissing Cartman, he’d think he’d feel disgusted, or at least indifferent. Right now he wasn’t either of those things. They weren’t kissing, just terribly close together, and Kyle felt swept up in the infinity of the moment. He felt paralyzed, but despite it he whispered:

“Aren’t you going to kiss me?” Kyle tilted his head so all Cartman had to do was lean in. Cartman took a shuddering breath, like this was already too much for him, and kissed Kyle. The moment their lips connected a jolt went through Kyle’s body. This wasn’t at all like kissing Jimmy. 

Kyle liked kissing Jimmy enough to know he was gay, but not any more than that. Kissing him was comfortable and safe and didn’t awaken anything inside of Kyle other than previously unrealized homosexuality. This was an entirely different ball field. 

Cartman’s tongue licked Kyle’s bottom lip shyly, like he was afraid the moment would shatter if he asked for too much. Kyle flicked his tongue back, and then all bets were off. The flood gates were open, and heaven nor hell could stop the inevitability that was this. Kyle crawled onto his lap, straddling him while cradling his face in his hands. Cartman held Kyle’s waist tightly. 

Maybe for the first time in Kyle’s life, there was no thinking, only doing. He was plastered to Cartman, so close he couldn’t tell where he stopped and Cartman began, and it wasn’t nearly close enough. Nothing was close enough. If he was capable of coherent thought, it would have scared him. Cartman’s large hands gripped and squeezed everywhere they could reach, leaving electricity under Kyle's skin. Cartman seeped into every circuit in his brain, every bone, every tendon. Cartman was everything and everywhere. Puzzle pieces found their correct spots, loose bolts screwed back into place, crossed wires uncrossed. Nothing mattered except for this. There was nothing except for this. 

Kyle whined at the loss when Cartman pulled away. He held Kyle’s face in his hands and looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time. In a way, he was. 

“Did you feel that?” Kyle whispered. Cartman touched his forehead to Kyle’s. 

“Yes.” He answered softly. He sounded wrecked. 

“It felt like… do you remember when Stan got high and was going on and on about ‘infinite moments’ and how sometimes you know that a moment is like, transcendent?” Kyle asked. Cartman nodded gently, still resting his forehead against Kyle’s. He’d never seen Cartman so tame. 

“I’m going to say something stupid, and you can’t make fun of me.” Cartman said, pulling back to look Kyle in the eyes. Kyle nodded. He always secretly thought that Cartman’s eyes held magic in them; one was dark brown and the other steel gray. He always thought it was a stupid thought, but now it seemed completely reasonable. 

“I did all that crazy shit when we were kids to satisfy something. I like, didn’t feel real, I guess. But when I’d fight with you, it all felt real. But, um, that feels like nothing compared to this.” Cartman said uncomfortably. It was the most insight Cartman had ever given into his own psyche. Kyle smiled gently. 

“Yeah, I understand what you mean.” He pet Cartman’s hair softly, and Cartman closed his eyes and tilted his head like a cat. Kyle let out a sigh of contentment. Kyle didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what was going on in his head. He felt like he was floating far above his body, and incredibly tethered, like he was dreaming, and more awake than he’d ever been. Nothing made any sense, and everything had never been clearer. Mostly, he felt alive. 

“You know what Kenny said to me one time?” Kyle laughed. 

“What did Kenny say to you one time?” 

“Kenny said that eventually, we’d either murder each other, or fall in love.” Cartman laughed at that. 

“Falling in love is for losers like Stan and the hippie bitch. It’s comfortable, and stupid, and eventually they have two point five kids and a picket fence, and it’s easy, and lame as shit.” Cartman informed him. 

“Maybe that’s not love. That’s just convenience.” Kyle said. He realized he was still sitting on Cartman’s lap, pressed up against him. He wasn’t sure he could move. Well, he could in the literal sense but not in the sense that he actually would. 

“What’s love then, Kyle? You seem to be an expert.” Cartman retorted, no bite in his sarcasm. 

“I think maybe it’s something like those infinite moments Stan was talking about. Something unexplainable and definite and, well, infinite. It’s passionate and all consuming and it’s everything.” The words fell out of Kyle like it was the easiest thing in the world. A voice in the back of his mind told him that his description of love was the same as how Cartman feels when they argue. Cartman looked at him like his eyes held the key to the universe. 

“So, are you still confused?” Kyle asked. He felt soft and mushy inside. 

“You know what? I don’t think I’ve ever been less confused in my life.”


End file.
